Pre Planning Your Scene

Small Town Hospital Fun And Games

 

TINS. TIWFDASL in a small rural ER somewhere, and the local EMS had brought in Sumdood who had sustained some sort of injury, that necessitated placing him on a long backboard, and cutting off his clothing. Said Dood subsequently, and contrary to my exhortations, removed his backboard straps, ripped out his IV, exited the cot, and started trying to assault another patient. I overhead paged “security stat to ER” (try not to hurt yourselves laughing), and the reporting officer ran back in, and took down my crazy, naked, lunatic wannabe fellow patient assailant.

Mr Naked was trying to cold cock the cop, the cop was trying to cuff Mr. Naked, and it looked to me as if more hands were needed, on The Good Guy’s side. I grabbed Mr. Naked’s off hand, and it was on.

So, the three of us were rolling around on the floor. Neither the officer nor I was making much progress, because Mr. Naked was sweaty and (shockingly enough) uncooperative. In addition, and simply making my day so very much better, he was bleeding enthusiastically from the site from which he had ripped his IV. Nice.

One of the nurse aides came over, and asked, “Is there something I can do to help?”

I replied: “Go over to the phone, dial 9 to get an outside line, dial 911, and tell the nice dispatcher that you are at Rural Community Hospital ED, and you have an officer in trouble. Repeat that, over and over, without stopping, until you hear the sirens. Now. Now would be very, very good!”

Long about this time, one of the (male) floor nurses, having determined from the overhead page that This Was Likely To Be Bad, had gotten another floor nurse to watch his patients, and trotted into the fun and games. So, by the time that the first backup officer had arrived, there were FOUR of us rolling around on the floor. In the blood. And sweat. And, every bit as much fun as it sounds to those of us who really, really do not like to exchange bodily fluids in the middle of the ER. On the floor.

Well, it soon developed into a Public Safety Roll Call. Every officer in our rural county screeched to a stop in our parking lot. There were city cops, there were county deputies, State Police officers rolled in. I even think that the county’s Department Of Natural Resources officer joined in the festivities. EMS showed up, firefighters clumped in.

Mr Naked was subdued, and cuffed. The offices went to pick him up by his cuffs and feet, and I suggested that they were much less likely to hurt their backs, should our friends from EMS place him on a backboard, and transport him to the pokey in their truck.

On the way out of the door, the ER physician asked the medics to pause a moment, and the doc asked the patient if he, the patient, desired to be evaluated for any injury or illness. Mr. Naked responded with an oration on the peculiar mating habits of the physician’s mother. We took that to mean, “Why, Doctor, how thoughtful! No, thank you very much, but these nice officers and I have made other arrangements! Y’all have a nice evening!” (or, something like that)

I retired to the nursing station, to write a nursing note that looked like a Take Home Essay Final on “Emergency Nursing in The 20th Century: Issues and Answers”. It ran on the order of 2500 words, and I made certain that this narrative was filed where I could find it should the need arise.

So, out of the blue, maybe 5 years later, I received a phone call from the Prosecutor’s Office for Rural County. I was asked if I remembered Mr. Naked Guy. I replied that I did, indeed, remember Mr. Naked Guy. I was asked if I could recall the events that I just finished recounting, in slightly altered fashion, above. Why, yes, I replied, I certainly could.

She continued. It seemed that Mr. Naked Guy was now out of jail, and was alleging that the responding officers had employed excessive force in subduing him. Did I recall anything that might relate to Mr. Naked Guy’s allegations?

I asked her if she had read my nursing notes? She had not.

“Ma’am, why don’t you read my nurse’s notes, and, if you have any more questions after that, call me back.”

She told me that she would do so.

I never heard another word.

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