So, Carmen, my grand daughter, had a couple of additional Magical Mystery Tours of Peds ICU. Brenda, her mom, wound their way through the maze of physicians, and specialists, treating, and attempting to diagnose, what was underlying our recurrent Monday-evening-Grandpa-visits.
Eventually, one of the specialists determined that a surgery would mitigate Carmen’s breathing difficulties, and so a surgical date was set, in a distant Big City Medical Center. Brenda told both of her parents, and her conversation with me went along the lines of “Dad, so Carmen is going to have surgery on (date), at Big City Pediatric Hospital.”
(Dad): “uh huh. I’ll be there.”
(Brenda): “Uh, Dad? So, Mom is gonna be there, too.”
(Dad): “Uh huh. Why would there be any question about that?”
(Brenda):”Well, I know you guys are going through that divorce, and things might be…tense..if you were both in the same room.”:
(Dad):”Well, Honey, your mom is a grown up professional, I flatter myself that I am a grown up professional, and while we are there with you, for that time, what I think about your mother, or what she thinks about me, well, nobody cares. This is about you and Carmen, and nothing else is on my plate for that time. I don’t anticipate any drama coming from either of us. I know I won’t cause any drama, and I am confident that your mother will not, either.”
So, we met at the appointed time, and greeted each other. Carmen received her IV, and was pre medicated, and rested on her mother’s lap, soon falling asleep. I have a photograph, somewhere, of Carmen, relaxedly asleep, on Brenda’s lap, Brenda appearing fatigued herself.
Carmen went for her surgery, and returned, post operatively. Carmen had an uneventful post operative course, and Brenda took her child home. Today, a dozen years later, Carmen is newly adolescent, The Big Sister, and perfectly healthy.
Oh, and my pre and post op interactions with The Plaintiff? Benevolent, professional, and child (and grandchild) focused. No drama.
Musings of A Stretcher Ape 
Nice that it worked out like you called it
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Very nice. Even so, for all of her (and my) imperfections, The Plaintiff is capable, focused, and able to do the difficult things, when such are needful. In this circumstance, voila!
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I had a similar interaction with my ex and a conversation with one of my twenty something sons during a death in my family some years ago. The conversation with my son went something like “Dad, do you really think Mom should attend?” “Son, we’re adults. We”ll get through it” and we did.
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