THAT LOOK WHEN the pregnant patient whom I am interviewing, trying not to get high myself as she emanates reefer fumes, asks me, “Is amoxicillin safe for my baby?” (This after I had diagnosed her UTI, and was in the middle of prescribing amoxicillin to treat same)
ANOTHER DAY, ANOTHER CHILD OF GHAWD relating that their malfunction is “I have a sinus infection”. I perform my usual review of systems, featuring denial of fever/chills, and no at home treatment over the 3 days of illness that drove this soul to my clinic.
Physical exam did NOT reveal any positive findings, except for mucus coursing down the back of this soul’s throat. I provided my assessment, and my basis for that assessment, including “…if you had a bacterial sinusitis, you would have leaped off the table and yelled at me when I tapped on your sinuses!”
This soul replied, “Oh, well, I NEVER get sinus tenderness with my sinus infections!”
Not being in a mood to argue, I smiled, did NOT observe that marked sinus tenderness is one of the CARDINAL signs of bacterial sinusitis, and said, “Here’s your augmentin prescription. Have a pleasant day!”
A FEW WEEKS AGO, TDW-Mark II had a migraine, and it took it’s sweet time resolving. I had to work, and came home to find my bride upright and preparing some soup (this being an improvement). I asked how her day had gone.
“Well”, she began, “the migraine was unpleasant, like they always are. This time, every time I woke up from my multiple naps, there were six cats perched on the bed, as if they were on watch. You know, if one or two others had joined them, I was going to call you and insist that you come home!”
Fortunately, her furry caregivers determined that, the next day, she only required 4 in attendance at any one time, and so, she recovered, as the cats weaned her off from a high level of feline supervision.
ONE DAY, my MA asked (it seemed to me, from out of the blue), “What do you want on your tombstone?”
I spread my hands, fingers wide, and stated, “Like this , with fewer fingers.”
She smiled. “Wow, kinda harsh! I meant on your pizza. THAT escalated quickly!”
Musings of A Stretcher Ape 
Every time I nuzzle our extremely affectionate work cat, my nose starts to run. What Abx do you recommend for my obvious sinus infection? 🙂
BTW, I won’t reject the kitty’s advances as it’s the only affection I receive and the little furball would certainly exact her revenge if spurned.
Aside: I always try to present my doc with my complaint, not my diagnosis. Oddly, when I succumb, she usually rolls her eyes and says “No, that isn’t what’s happening. Put your pants back on, I’m examining your scalp”.
Thanks for the snippets. I dunno how you maintain civility with some of these people.
I want my epitaph to read “Quick, dig him up, he’s fine!”
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ETA: pineapple ‘n ham is perfectly acceptable. No anchovies. And chili does too have beans, dammit!
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