So, one time we got dispatched to an unconscious person run on the east side. We arrived to see a number of police officers from DBCPD standing around. One of them pointed out a large slumped soul, leaning up on the steps on a rear stairway of some house.
He was not entirely flaccid, and he WAS
breathing on his own, both desirable attributes from my point of
view. Even so, leaving him to metabolize towards mobility appeared to
be a bad plan, so Porthos and I attempted a hold-him-under-his-arms
walking assist. It worked, sort of. Well, it appeared to be working
well enough that we could maneuver him to the truck, and thence to
TBTCIDC, where he could indeed metabolize to freedom, under the
loving and watchful eyes of the TBTCIDC Emergency Department nursing
staff. For bonus points, he would then not be our problem.
Porthos and I were making progress, of
a sort, toward the ambulance, and the police were doing their police
type stuff, when I got the bright idea that perhaps a whiff of an
ammonia capsule might energize our guest.
Now, with the wisdom that comes with
hindsight, THAT might have a good idea to, ya know, DISCUSS with my
partner. That discussion might have elicited several beneficial
outcomes, like problem solving IN ADVANCE, and anticipation of ways
in which this brainstorm of mine might have turned horribly wrong,
As might have become evident, I did NOT
discuss this little plan of mine with my partner, and simply
retrieved an ammonia cap from my pocket, snapped it, and allowed Mr.
Leviathan to breathe deeply of the healing aroma.
He abruptly, and I mean RIGHT FUCKING
NOW! Became considerably less stumbling, and way, way more energetic,
shaking loose of my grasp on his arm, and turning on my partner.
This might be a good point in my tale
to note that our guest was tall, and big, and outweighed me, as well
as Porthos, by a considerable margin. If he should commence to some
wrasslin’, well, whichever one of us was the object of his
affections, would not enjoy being so objectified.
Porthos had noticed our guest’s
reanimation, although he was a fraction of a second slower than I in
so noticing, and so King King, our newly energized patient, was
advancing upon my partner, hands outstretched, and backing Porthos
rapidly into a corner.
I realize that things happen quickly,
and it appears that time stands still, nevertheless those officers
sure appeared to be statues, while this shambling wreck of a
man-mountain was advancing, cornering my partner, presenting a clear
and present danger of laying hands on him.
I found my Mag Light in my hand, and
advanced, on my toes, behind him. My flash plan was, once he had
indeed grabbed Porthos, well, I was going to go for that line drive,
featuring his head as the baseball.
So, Ninja like, I was advancing upon
Leviathan, Leviathan was advancing on Porthos, the cops were
unmoving, and I, catlike, managed to step on his foot.
Good news: he forgot about Porthos.
Bad news: he figured that I was oh, so
very much more deserving of his attention than my partner. He began
to turn on me, so as to show me some love. Of some sort.
Good news: whatever was the source of
his previous lethargy, it slowed his synapses, and so the insight
that he would rather be thumping on me, rather than Porthos, took him
a not inconsequential amount of time to process, and then to act
Good news: Porthos took that
opportunity to zig to Mr. Leviathan’s zag, and begin to beat feet to
Good news: I accelerated to warp speed
promptly, and so managed to arrive at the ambulance about the same
time as Porthos.
Good news: our officer friends were,
themselves, in motion, and they converged on Mr Leviathan, and
dissuaded him from pursuing any further laying-on-of-hands
Indeed, they were so persuasive, that
they elected to transport our new friend to TBTCIDC, themselves.
Porthos and I had, well, I suppose you
might consider it “a teaching moment” once we were back in
service. My ears stopped burning after a couple of hours.