Child Rearing Tales

So, TINS, TIWFDASL….well, OK, really, this is another child rearing tale. Our oldest son, Adam, was approaching middle teen years, and, in The Unnamed Flyover State (TUFS), that meant anticipating driver’s education, preparatory to acquiring a driver’s license. At that time, the child in question had to be around 15 years of age, so, shortly after Adam’s fourteenth birthday, I sat him down for a little chat.

“So, Adam, you starting to get excited about taking driver’s ed?”

“Yep! I really can hardly wait!”

“Outstanding! Now, you do realize that, here in TUFS, you aren’t required to get my signature in order to take driver’s ed, or to get your license, right?”

He responded with a blank look. “Huh? All the kids in my class say that your parents have to sign for you to take driver’s ed, or to drive!”

“Well, they are mistaken. You do not require my signature in order to drive, or in order to take driver’s ed!”

He reflected upon this for a moment, and his face brightened. “Oh, yeah, right! I’ll just get Mom to sign!”

I sat back. “Say, I have an idea! How about you go talk to your mother, and ask her about that idea! Let’s say, for some reason, that I refuse to sign for driver’s ed, or for you to drive, ask her what her next move might be! Come on right back, and let me know what she says, OK?”

He scampered off. From another part of th house, I overheard low pitched murmurs, as of distant conversation. The murmurs ceased, and Adam made his reappearance.

“So, tell me about that ‘no signature’ thing, please, Dad.”

That told me how his conversation with his mother had gone. He had said something along the lines of “Mom, if Dad won’t sign for me to take driver’s ed or to drive, will you?” Her response had likely gone along the lines of “Have you lost your fucking mind? What makes you think your dad and I would not be on the same page regarding something like that?”

So, I answered him. “Well, Adam, in the Great and Sovereign State of TUFS, you do not require a parent’s signature in order to take driver’s ed, nor in order to drive!”

“Dad, that can’t be right! All the kids in my grade tell me that you need a signature!”

“Well, they are all wrong. Indeed, here in TUFS, you can get your driver’s license, you can take driver’s ed, without my signature, or you mother’s. Why, once you are eighteen, it is all very simple! You simply sign for yourself!”

He looked thoughtful for a moment. “But, Dad, why would I want to wait until I was eighteen to drive?”

Now, I looked thoughtful, for a second. “Adam, that is an excellent question! I am confident that your behavior between now and then will demonstrate the answer you came up with!”

So, fast forward several years. I had had this same conversation with Betty, Number Two child. She had taken, and passed driver’s ed, and acquired her license. She was driving whenever she could wheedle the loan of a car from her mother or me. She was also, as an adolescent girl, not entirely meeting behavioral standards.

Her mother TDW-Mark 1, and I, considered her transgressions, and intervened when needful. When behavior did not improve, we physically took her license, and secured it. After the “license grounding” had elapsed, she, again, could drive. More misbehavior, more license grounding.

Finally, she had demonstrated sufficient lack of grasp of acceptable behavioral standards, that we were done grounding her from driving. TDW-Mark 1 and I held a conference, featuring Betty. I reviewed past interventions.

“Betty, you did (whatever), and had been told not to. We took your license for a week, and told you that another violation would result in us taking your license for two weeks. You violated (whatever the rule in question was), again, and so we took your license for two weeks, and told you that the next time would be a month. Again, you violated (rule), and we took your license, and told you that the next time, we would simply yank your license and stop screwing around with this stuff. Well, last night you did, again, violate (rule), and so, now, your mother, and I, and you, are going to the motor vehicle office, and you are going to lose your license.”

She responded, “Well, I will just go there tomorrow, and get it back!”

I smiled at the sixteen year old. “I do not think that it works that way, Honey!”

She looked at me, and brought me up to speed (or, so she thought). “All the kids at school tell me that I can, and I just will!”

I produced her license from my pocket. “See this name here, at the bottom? Where it says Director of Department of Motor Vehicles? Read that name, please, Honey. The print is a little small for my old eyes!”

She read, “’Alyssa, M. Snodgrass’ Why do I care about that?”

“So, sweetie, which one of your classes is she in with you?”

“Huh? Nobody in any of my classes has a name like that!”

I looked at TDW Mark 1, and she looked at me. We then turned our gaze to our darling daughter. The TDW Mark 1 carried the ball. “Well, Betty, that is indeed a surprise! Since Ms. Snodgrass is the director of the department of motor vehicles, and is charged with writing, and enforcing, the rules for who gets, and who loses, a license to drive, perhaps she knows just a teensy, weensy, little bit more about how all that stuff works, than your illiterate, self absorbed, ignorant, prideful, and arrogant classmates. Doncha think?”

Betty gaped at her. Her mother smiled, serenely. “So, honey? Get your shoes, and let’s go. Now, Honey, now!”

With that, our little gaggle promenaded into the DMV office. Once our number had been called, we strolled up to the desk, and the civil servant asked, “What can I do for you?”

I smiled, my best won the jackpot smile, and proclaimed, “We are here to have this child,” and my sweeping wave indicated the glowering Betty beside me, “officially credentialed by the Great and Sovereign State of TUFS, as a pedestrian!”

The poor woman, only trying to get through her workday, looked at me blankly. After a second, she asked, “What?”

TDW Mark 1 clarified it for her. “We are here to yank this child’s license.”

“Oh, right. Please may I have the child’s license?”

I produce it. “And, your ID, please?”

We produced it.

Tap, tap, tap went the keyboard. Our new friend, the DMV Lady, then snipped off one of the corners of Betty’s license, and, looking up, asked, “Do you want this back?”

I looked at TDW Mark 1, and Betty. TDW Mark 1 looked back at me, and smiled at the DMV Lady. “Oh, yes, indeed, we want it back!” she exclaimed. “We’re gonna frame that bad boy, and hang it in the hallway, where all of us can admire it every day!”

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Random Thoughts

Random Thoughts, Accumulated over a couple of weeks

(1) I know I have led a bad life (Ask The Plaintiff!). Therefore, I know that I’m going to Hell. If Dante Alighieri was correct, those of us going to Hell will experience our own personal, customized Hell.

Several times, it has occurred to me that, in my own personal Hell, I will be the clinician in Hell’s urgent care. There, I will spend endless shifts packed with trivially ill souls, who will take protractd periods of time to NOT answer my questions.

(2) I used to carry a can of CS teargas in my hip pocket, Back In The Day. Department regulations prohibited carriage of a firearm, so, what the heck, tear gas was First Runner Up in the self defense sweepstakes. So, one day I was in class, pursuing paramedic certification, and the top of the can, “safely” packed in my hip pocket, broke off. That left a puddle of corrosive tear gas in my seat. Curiously, there were no tears, which had, let us say, interesting implications for it’s efficacy as a self defense tool.

What there WERE, were sizable second degree burns on my asscheeks. That made for entertaining runs, as my ass slid to and fro while my partner drove our ambulance to emergency responses.

(3) This one time, I was working this one place (Hey! How about that RIVETING! Intro? Huh?) and they staffed the two provider clinic with two folks to work the floor, meaning they had to room patients, make appointments for followup, register and discharge patients, make referrals, answer the (incessantly ringing) phone, do procedures (breathing treatments, perform EKGs, take x rays, perform in house tests), and answer questions from random folks who walked in to ask questions about their bills or try to get their blood drawn (which happened at the lab, two doors down).

Kind of demanding, right? Well, somebody took a minute to call the office manager, suggesting that stuff either wouldn’t get done, or would get done incorrectly due to the pressure of multiple competing demands upon staff.

Her reply, as reported, was priceless. “Clinical medicine is like Zumba! You just have to keep up!”

mURPHY rULES! (and how to try to stymie him)

Among the blogs I visit more or less regularly, is “Notes From The Bunker”, featuring the adventures of the thoughtful and experienced Commander Zero. Today (As I write this it is 5 Sept 2019), The Commander reviews thoughts on idiot proofing your kit, particularly your first aid kit. (see for yourself: http://www.commanderzero.com/?p=6547#comments , “Mylar After Two Years Of Exposure”) He makes a mighty compelling case for, in effect, double bagging your first aid supplies, and he has, indeed, harshly tested his packaging. He has not found it wanting.

Aesop of Raconteur Report (ANOTHER regular read! Find him here: https://raconteurreport.blogspot.com/ ) commented on the original post, (found here, from March 15 2015: http://www.commanderzero.com/?p=2511), and, as usual, his comments are insightful, practical, and reflect studies in Advanced Placement courses at The College of Hard Knocks. I reprint them here, because I don’t want you all to miss them.

“1) Any FA kit that isn’t waterproof is worthless. If not now, then when you need it, which is worse. As you’ve discovered, and as I did the first time I was working on a movie set on a rainy day. It’s a mistake you only make once.
2. Mylar is nice, but you can’t see what’s inside. Consider heavy-duty Saran wrap or equiv. as something still see-through, but easier to tear open than mylar or two-hand zip-loks.
3. If you’re any kind of handy with a sewing machine, turning mil-spec poncho materials into pack and bag condoms is a quick and elegant way to make your favorite bag far more water resistant. It also gives you options as far as external appearance, whether more camo’ed, or more non-descript than Tactical Timmy camo patterns in urban use around the unprepared muggles. YMMV.
4. Given your penchants anyways, you can get single-use heat seal clear plastic bagging material too, and simply resolve that if you tear something open for use, you’ll re-stock and re-seal it at the first opportunity.
5. As far as opening, putting a guard-protected single-edge razor or retractable box cutter in the top of the kit is never a bad idea. For some of the sterile wrap crap used in the ED, I need bandage scissors, trauma shears, and/or a hemostat (think ER pliers) just to open the goddam packaging, and that’s indoors in air-conditioned comfort, with two hands.

(THIS PART THAT FOLLOWS IS GOLD, RIGHT HERE!)

6. As a general rule, whether for first aid or any other kind of kit, anything that couldn’t be reliably used during a year’s service in the WWI trenches of the Somme probably isn’t proper kit to rely on, and you’ll find that out at the worst possible moment. Field-test your gear and eliminate the flaws now, when mistakes are free.

7. Just random curiosity, but for a bike kit, why not something along the lines of a screw-top or screw-twist together PVC pipe or somesuch thing, clamped/strapped/zip-tied/etc. to the frame? Bombproof, compact, and totally watertight, and you could size the tube diameter to the largest items, and adjust the length so everything fits. Just thinking out loud there.”

With that preamble, may I direct your attention to my own humble work, from mid June of this year? (https://musingsofastretcherape.wordpress.com/2019/06/14/do-it-yourself-emergency-care/ )

With Commander Zero’s (herinafter referred to as “CZ”) insights, and Aesop’s commentary, I have been stimulated to consider shortcomings in my own arrangements.

I have never had my own kit(s) fail as in Czs experience. Mine are presently indoors or in my vehicle trunk. Previously, for years, my kit rode in the back seat of my dual cab pickup truck. When we loaded up, kids, luggage and all, it went into a tote in the back of the truck, inside a camper shell. That has/had worked out alright for me. On the other hand, I have never done a rainy weekend FTX, either. THAT sort of adventure might have elicited Aesop’s perspective.

Since one of the objectives of much of my hobbies/avocations/off duty activities is preparing for unwanted possibilities, the next generation of my deliberations will be considering how I can benefit from the above insights, and integrate them into my own preps.

For example, if I am compelled to hike my happy ass home from work, due to EMP/Carrington Event/One Minute After/civil disorder/Zombie Apocalypse, what is the likelihood that it will be sunny and seventy outside, versus raining cats and dogs at night in a gale? (Select option “B”, if you please!) Or perhaps mid January, with ass deep snow and wind, at a daytime high temp of 1 degree (for our European readers, that approximates minus 17 degrees C)?

The “I don’t want to freeze my butt solid, to the ground” aspects are likely intuitive, to anybody who has lived in The Midwest for any length of time, but protecting your equipment from those conditions may not be so obvious. (To be honest, this particular aspect had not made it’s way to the front of my own consciousness, until today!)

Broadening this thinking to other aspects of, say, a “Get Me Home” bag, suggests that packing said bag in sub-modules might be clever, if said sub modules are water proof (or, at least, repellent). Again, as of present experience, I’ve had no issues with water etcetera damaging my medic bag, or anything in my “possibles trunk”. That’s fine, until my 13 year old vehicle develops a hole allowing water or whatnot into my trunk.

Or, until I have to hop home in the Oobleck Storm. (or whatever). In those settings, I will regret not acting on CZ’s or Aesop’s insights.

“School Daze, School Daze, Dear Auld Golden Rule Daze!”

My parents had moved from one of the suburbs of Da City, to Some Unnamed Eastern state. Once there, they met the neighbors. One of whom was married to a meteorologist on Da TeeWee.

He (the meteorologist) found himself, from time to time, changing jobs, and this generally involved moving to an altogether new city. Of course, once they had moved, the children would have to be registered in the new school system.

I have, previously, suggested that not every functionary associated with our public schools is, shall we say, the best and/or the brightest. Indeed, from time to time I have wondered if some of these folks are alumni of The Short Bus.

Mrs. Meteorologist told a tale that supported this theory.

It seems that, after one move, she was undergoing the interrogation customarily associated with registering one’s children at the public school. The clerk was presenting questions, and my mother’s friend was answering them.

“Name?” asked the clerk.

My mother’s friend responded with “Name (whatever)”

“Address?”

The response, “(Address)!”

“Telephone number?”

“(Telephone number)!”

“Mother’s occupation?”

“Home maker.”

“Father’s occupation?”

“Meteorologist!”

(Clerk, without missing a beat, steadily typing away:)“What hospital is he on staff at?”

“(Huh?)”

Why?

http://counterjockey.blogspot.com/2019/09/weapons-wednesday-service-smiths.html#comment-form

Why do MEN (and, nowadays, more and frequently, WOMEN) willingly go in harm’s way?

Why do folks bunker up, suit up, gun up, whatever, and run toward the sounds of trouble?

Counter Jockey has gunned up, and sought out the source of those sounds. As have thousands and thousands of others.

Yesterday was The Eleventh of September in the Year of Our lord 2019. Eighteen years ago,  343 members of the FDNY died, doing their duty. 60 police officers lost their lives. 8 EMS personnel died, not employees of the City of New York.

They died attempting to save some of the 2977 people who would wind up dying that day.

“Duty” is the simple answer, and we all are, or ought to be, thankful for our neighbors who see their duty, accept their duty, and pursue their duty.

But what makes someone see such a thing as “My duty”?

What makes someone say, “So help me God.” ? Those who have so sworn, know. Someone has to stare down predators, and say, in effect, “You stop, right here, right now.” Someone has to stand, and hold that line. Otherwise, the dependents behind those stalwarts will lie vulnerable to the heartless. And, those who have selected Duty, will not allow that.

343 members of the FDNY died, that beautiful autumn day, doing their duty. What sort of folks run into a burning building, a building which had already been sized up be one of their own with the prediction, “Some of us are gonna die, today”?

Read the “Never Yet Melted” blog, about Rick Rescorla. Brit born, naturalized US citizen, Director of Security at Dean Witter/Morgan Stanley (https://neveryetmelted.com/2019/09/11/colonel-cyril-richard-rick-rescorla-may-27-1939-september-11-2001-3/) He is credited with saving 2794 of the 3000 employees working that day. He, his deputy, and three other of his security staff were among the exceptions.

So, here’s what I leave you all with. Look for your duty. Do your duty. try not to flinch, try not to step back. Because, you, and I, all of us, are standing in the shadows of Great People. Imagine, if you will, that they are cheering us on, looking over our shoulders, and expecting that we will not falter. Because, they have left us a legacy of honor, of Duty, of doing their jobs, that make it possible for all of us to be here, today, to have the opportunities that we enjoy. Let us not let them down.

Regarding that day an entire generation ago, let us tell of the Heroes who raced into a building, knowing it was to collapse. Let us tell our children of the Heroes, civilians all, who sacrificed their own lives, that others would not die at the hands of the heartless. Let us tell each other of the Heroes who dwell among us, unknown to us, perhaps unknown to themselves, who will rise up to the demands they face, and risk all to save another. Let us measure ourselves against them, and be grateful they dwell among us. Let us hope we can measure up, should our time come. God Bless those who stand in harm’s way, on our behalf.

If You Are Taking Medical Advice From The Voices In Your Head, You Are Doing It Wrong!

So, TINS©, TIWFDASL©, when we caught a run for a “sick person”. My tales of adventure notwithstanding, the overwhelming majority of EMS runs in Da City were what the personnel called “sickies”. This tale is about one such soul.

We arrived, and things progressed in the usual fashion. Six questions, one command.

1. “Who’s sick?” (show of hands).
2. “What kind of sick are you?” (the response generally ran along the lines of “I’m really sick”, or “I’m just sick, that’s all!”) (so much for “History of Present Illness”)
3. “How long have you been sick, Sir/Madam?” (typical response was some variation of “A good little while.”)
4. “Do you want to go to the hospital?” (A surprising number of people did NOT want to go to the hospital. Some wanted to be told that they were alright, others wanted to go to some place in West Bumfuck, way, way, way outside of Da City’s service area, or wanted a ride to the doctor’s appointment that they, surprisingly, had made. We did not take folks to their doctor appointments or to BFE Community Hospital. Fire department rules.)
5. “Can you walk?” (the correct answer is always, “YES!”. Occasionally “No”, but the number of trivially ill/injured folks traveling to ER via EMS was both surprising and disappointing.)
6. “Where are your shoes?” (Again, a surprising number of folks who presumably had lived in Da City all their lives, and had noted snowfall and freezing ass temperatures arrive each and every winter, did not think to have their shoes staged, oh, I don’t know, NEAR THE DAMNED DOOR, once they had determined that they required ambulance transport to the hospital emergency department for their sniffles or whatnot.)
7. (Command) Follow Me!”

So, one such soul, seated in the back of the ambulance with me late one night/early one morning, was being interviewed by me. I asked him his allergies. “No, none, not really.”

I asked him his medications. “Well, no, none, I guess.”

That did not sound right. I asked, again, differently. “Does you doctor think that you are taking any medication regularly?”

“I suppose so.”

“What might that medication be, that you suppose that your doctor thinks you ought to be taking?”

“Oh, some nerve pill.”

“Oh? ‘Some nerve pill?’ Why aren’t you taking your nerve pill?”

“Well, the voices in my head told me I didn’t need them any longer!”

“The voices told you that, did they?”

“Oh, yes! They were very clear about that!”

“I bet that they were!”

“The Price is Right!”

Once I had departed the employ of Da City, I worked as a RN in one of the little ERs dotting Da City. At that point in time, there were perhaps 18, maybe 20 hospitals big or small serving Da City. I worked at one of the middling sized ones, at that time around 300 beds.

Working midnights in ER, well, you commonly find yourself spending time with folks who make poor life choices. Those of you who have worked nights, or do presently, bear with me. Alcohol is a commonly abused drug. Shocker, right? Moreover, those who use alcohol to excess, commonly also do other, similarly, stupid shit. Said stupid shit, typified by the admonition, “Hold my beer, and watch this!”, places the stupid shit performer at significantly higher risk of ER visitation eliciting injury.

In retrospect, that all makes sense. Well, those of our neighbors who fail to contemplate consequences, readily foreseeable consequences at that, PROSPECTIVELY, well, those folks are why my children slept indoors, ate every day, and got suitable shoes regularly. Thanks for the business, my friend!

Later in the night/early in the morning, the flow of sick/injured tends to slack off. When all the stuff that needed doing, had been done, we got to thinking. From those deliberations arose the night shift game of The Ethanol Is Right!

The goal is to appraise a given patient, without any lab work reported as of the time of the prediction, and then write down your vote for the patient’s blood alcohol level. The vote closest to the lab reported value, but not over, “won”.